Diogenes
was a Greek philosopher, a Cynic, notorious for his very conspicuous philosophical stunt of carrying a lamp in the
marketplace during the day, claiming to look for an honest man.
A delicately
concealed way of saying, ‘sab chootiye
hain’ (everyone’s a dud).
*
Some
anecdotes,
On a
voyage to Aegina, Diogenes was captured by pirates and taken to the
slave-market in Crete to be sold. A Corinthian named Xeniades approached.
X:
What is your trade slave? What can you do?
D: I
know no trade but to govern men. I would be of most value to a man in need of a
master.
(He was hired to tutor Xeniades’ two boys)
**
Diogenes’ only material
possession was a wooden bowl to consume soup and water from. One day he saw a
village boy drink from the hollow of his hands.
Discarding the bowl he
exclaimed, ‘What a fool I have been to carry superfluous baggage all this while.’
**
When
Diogenes left home, his servant Manes was ordered to accompany him. A month later,
finances dwindling, he eloped.
Diogenes’
acquaintances suggested a legal recourse.
He reasoned.
‘When Manes is on his own without a worry should Diogenes be running from
pillar to post? Who is the master and who is the slave? If Manes can live
without Diogenes, Diogenes must flourish without Manes as well.’
And
so it was from that day forward.
**
One nippy winter
morning, Diogenes was soaking up the warm sun when Alexander arrived with his
entourage. (He had just returned from the
successful conquest of Persia.)
A (thrilled to meet the famous philosopher):
I am Alexander the Great of Macedon. I have heard many a tale about you
Diogenes. I would be pleased to bring you a favor.
D: Do I look like I
am missing something?
A: Well Sir, I am
the King of the largest empire in the history of man. Sparkling jewels, glorious
horses, prolific lands, tasteful women, I can grant anything you fancy.
D: Grant me my
beautiful sunshine Alexander. Please step aside.
(Alexander’s guards tensed up, reaching for their weapons but
he ordered them at ease.)
At this moment,
Diogenes rolled over and peered intently at a pile of bones lying beside.
A: What’s caught
your fancy with the bones?
D: I was looking for
your fathers’ but cannot tell them apart from those of his slave.
**
A
report that Philip
II of Macedon (Alexander’s
father) was marching on Corinth, threw the town into
a bustle of activity. Blacksmiths casting arms, masons patching the main-wall
and strengthening battlements, others, wheeling stones up the bastions to be
used as projectiles. Everyone made themselves useful, one way or another.
Diogenes
had nothing to do. No one thought of giving him a job. But boy, was he moved by
the sight! He ditched his coat and began rolling his tub animatedly up and
down the street.
(Diogenes lived in an old discarded wine
tub in the town-center.)
To
a curious crowd he posited, ‘I do not want to be the only idler in such a busy
multitude. I am rolling my tub to be like the rest.’
**
Diogenes
rejected even normal ideas of human decency.
He ate in the marketplace (then regarded bad manners), urinated
on some people who insulted him, defecated
in the theatre and masturbated in public, about which
he said, ‘If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing my belly.’
**
Diogenes was invited to the magnificent house of the most
prosperous grain-trader of Crete (a
veritable Ambani of his time).
On being introduced to the host, he cleared his throat
and spat at his face. ‘I could not find a meaner receptacle’, he said.
**
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